EZER KI'NEGDO
issue 8 : updated  28 Iyar 5766 (May 26th, 2006)

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In Genesis, Chapter 2, it is written that Adam “assigned names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky and to every beast of the field; but as for man, he did not find” an Ezer Ki’nedgo, translated as “a helper corresponding to him”. Adam was then put into a deep sleep and when he awoke, he saw that Hashem had created his “helper”, Eve.

It is usually understood that in a relationship, when we use the word, “helper” we conjure the image of someone who always agrees with us. However, literally translated, Ki’Negdo, means “against him”. Neither being a “yes” man (or woman) nor someone who is in constant conflict with a spouse, is the appropriate or healthy way to live one’s life. Scholars translate the meaning of Ezer Ki’Nedgo as a partner who takes the initiative to challenge and not merely accept what is said.

By offering another point of view, one must understand that another opinion may enable one to think more clearly or deal with matters more rationally. Consequently, this helper who constructively disagrees or provokes, ultimately enriches the lives of both parties. Rabbi Berel Wein, my Rebbe, explained that part of loving someone is to have a difference of opinion; this thought certainly created a balance in his married life.

I received the news today that Rebbitzen Jackie Wein a”h, passed away yesterday. Rabbi Wein was blessed with a partner in life who was the epitome of Ezer Ki’Negdo. Together they created a wonderful home and a wonderful place to learn. May Hashem grant Rabbi Wein comfort at this time of loss as well as the strength to continue imparting sharing his words of wisdom to the Jewish people.

Shabbat Shalom

Rabbi Elie